I am Not Safe Here; I’m Not Going Anywhere 8

About Me

I was doing some work on my website with Sarah from Sark e-Media the other day, and I was saying that I felt the time was right to change my profile page, so if you’re reading this post a few weeks on, not all the info to back it up may be there.

My profile page currently speaks about the abusive relationship I was in with my ex in 1999-2001.  My history is key to who I have become and my ability to overcome what can often feel like the overcome-able, but I have never felt a need to be a figure head for abused women, or a particular pull to supporting women that have been/are in abusive relationships.

Of course I am able to empathise, but I also see the broader picture, and connect with other women’s stories and struggles.

Before It Goes

But before I lay that page on my site to bed, I thought I would take two minutes to clarify the misconceptions that can lie with an abusive history – for many it becomes and remains history.  This is not my story, and I know there are others like me.2015-01-31 11.25.00

Back To The Future

This March will see 14 years since I had my ex arrested – the last time he took me to court was in 2011, this was the last time of VERY many.

Yet over the last few months it has become apparent that he still stalks me.

Despite changing my name 4 years ago he seems to have tracked me down, and be spying on information about me – I don’t feel scared, it just makes my heart sink. Sometimes he has a week where he fills my inbox with vitriol and nastiness.  It is draining.

Am I Safe?

It all feels like a bit of a nuisance.  He is an annoyance; a pain in the butt. But statistically maybe I should be a bit more worried…..

2 women a week are murdered by ex partners in the UK every week.

I know that the more of a reputation through my work I build, the more my social media profile grows, and the more followers on my blog that are signing up – the more visible I become.

The more visible I become, the more Dudley can see what I’m doing, the more traceable I become.

I may not be safe here…….. I’m not going anywhere.


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About Lottie Moore

Lottie is the founder here at the Women's Inspiring Social Hub - she loves to connect, so why not join her in the free private Facebook tribe - www.wishwomen.org.uk/comfort-zone

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8 thoughts on “I am Not Safe Here; I’m Not Going Anywhere

  • Jenny Andersson

    So feel for you Lottie, and deeply admire your staunch courage and bravery in the face of a stalker. If you have never experienced it, it’s hard to imagine. It’s like a constant pain that doesn’t go away. Draining and exhausting at times. At others you can put it away for a day or a few hours. Completely understand you being ready to take it out of your story, but I think the post is a great way to tag the challenge of stalkers.

    • Lottie Moore Post author

      Hi Jenny, I didn’t write the post to be brave, although I can see why people are saying that. I just find it an interesting concept that people assume that when you escape these type of abusive relationships the journey is over – for me it was only really the beginning and although my story is extreme, I know that I am not alone in this.

  • Jan-Marie

    Well done for standing strong. It can be a shock to the system to find oneself bullied, hassled or stalked – I know I was bullied a few years back and it seemed so out of character for this to happen to me. What changed my life was going down the layers of the feelings I experienced looking for a like-match. Once I found it I was free to leave that experience and move on.

    I used my own work to transform the core of the issue. And getting out of the area, moving to a completely different locality. It must be extremely taxing to have him continually seek you out. I guess this is why I love transformation healing as it releases the core energy that sends out the signal for these experiences to come in. I am not for one second minimising your experience. this was how I dealt with it. Take care – hugs Jan-Marie

    • Lottie Moore Post author

      Hi Jan-Marie, I’m really pleased you found your way out of the bullying you experienced.
      I think to say that women send out signals for highly abusive, and very ill, individuals to come into their lives is a very dangerous statement – I do not think in any way, shape, or form the women experienceing the abuse should be encouraged to hold themselves accountable. ‘It’s not your fault’ is a very powerful statement for an abusee.
      The transformation we can work on is our response to this, both in the past, and the present. Hence my post stating ‘I’m not going anywhere’. I’ve done the physical relocation, even the name change, I choose not to run anymore. But for those who do live in fear it’s important for us not to judge – lets be gently with each other.

  • Sarah Arrow

    There is a danger of people thinking that just because you’ve spoken out about it, that you’re safe. The feeling of safety is a luxury, and you don’t know you have it until it’s no longer there. Thinking of you and your little one x

    • Lottie Moore Post author

      I think you just hit the nail on the head as to why I wrote this post Sarah – it is the assumption of many people that when women come out of these relationships they are suddenly, and miraculously free from it all, but this is sadly not the general case.
      I know 14 years on my story is extreme, but I am not alone in my experience.